Lost in the Past, Present and Future

I have done so many things in my life and nothing seems right or it didn't last long. I have been around so many types of people and still haven't actually found my perfect group of friends. Okay, so I don't really seek perfection rather I seek something stable and long lasting. I long for things to last in my life and make me happy longer than five minutes, 2 hours, or even six months to a year. I am going to always say perfect because I seek the best and closest to perfect as I can get, just like anyone else.


In order to find the perfect mate, place to live, job, friends and even my personality, I have to dig really deep into everything. I need to dig into my past, my present and my future. I am not sure if it would be better to do from a distance or try to do it within my situation. I haven't tried to do it without staring my problems in the face since more keep coming, ones that I though were done keep coming back and even in best situations there was always still at least one. A lot of times, that one problem staring me down was the only way I could get away from the rest for a moment yet it keep making me recap the problems I was trying to hide from.

From the past, I have learned a lot of things I do not want to repeat as well as things that I felt were right and I really enjoyed. Though I enjoyed certain aspects of my past, something tore me away from them. Some things I feel that I should repeat because I did enjoy them and there were positive things are things that ended because I didn't treat them right by neglect, abuse and misuse. Some of the aspects of things I liked did end by what seems to be fate itself telling me I was on the wrong path somehow. This may not have been in whole, rather or parts of what I was doing or who I was.

As for the present, I do not know what to do with it. My past haunts me in many ways that are preventing me from moving much in my life right now. I have tried to ignore these thing and yet they keep coming back up. I have tried to get around them, go through them and even make them disappear. Nothing has worked and it makes it harder since others keep bringing these things back up.


For the future, if I have one, I will have to ananylze everything really deep one at a time. However, the hardest part is that doing so I ignore what is happening around me. What is happening around me can not get worse because that negatively affects my future as well. However, I am only one person and just with the preset, I am overwhelmed.

I will be continuing this topic as time goes by. It will take several entries.